I am a Media Development Communicator working with Mama Fm 101.7, a community radio located in Kisaasi, Kampala Uganda. I am a former Fredskorpset (FK-2011) participant to Nepal. My blog is meant to chronicle my experiences in and out of Uganda. Comments and constructive criticisms are welcome. "Live in the moment, for tomorrow my never come to relive that moment"
On February 16th 2016, Ugandans voted for their respective members of parliament. They include Woman Member of Parliament, Constituency MPs, Army, Youth, Workers and PWDs. Some of us vote our leaders for various reasons but we need to under the core roles of the especially the Members of parliament we elect. The functions of parliament are provided for in 1995 Constitution Article 79 and they include:
Four Roles of Members of Parliament
To make laws and policies on anything
To effectively Represent his or her people’s views
To approve the National budget
To provide an oversight role by following up on Resources
Composition of current 10th Parliament
Term of office for MPs commenced on May 2016 and it ends on May 2021. The MPs are representing a total of 34 million Ugandans. The total number of MPs minus the new four districts is 427MPs. Article 78 of the Constitution provides for election of the MPs of parliament.
Composition of Parliament
There are 290
One woman District representative and in total they are 112 as per May 2016 however there are more four to be elected from the new districts.
Army has 10 members
Youth 5 members
Workers 5 Members
PWDs 5 Members
Ex-Officials
Ex-officials are entitled as ministers and are appointed by the president. They do not represent any constituency. Ex-officials do not vote in parliament sessions, but participate in other issues in parliament.
How a Bill becomes an Act/Law
A bill passes through different stages before it becomes an Act or Law. Making laws is provided for in the constitution under Article 91: which states that: Some the stages include:
First Step: First reading, papers or document is presented to speaker of parliament
Second Step: The proposal is sent to the relevant committee which comprises of about 30-40 members. In this stage the members of parliament may come out and seek for public views on the proposals in the Bill. MPs are sent to their respective communities to seek out on the views of Ugandans. The Committee reports to the House and gives a report on the Bill. Here all the MPs debate.
Third Step: The Bill is then sent to the Bills Committee which comprises of the technical experts like lawyers. In this committee, the bill is read page by page and every word and sentence is scrutinized. This is the real law making process. It is conducted by all MPs and if well received, it is passed by parliament. In this stage it could take one to four sittings till the bill is passed.
The bill is passed, sent to the president and if he ascends to it and signs, it becomes an Act or Law.
Once the bill is passed, Certificate of Financial Implications is required and this is forwarded to Ministry of Finance to provide funds for the implementation of the law.
More information can be obtained from Parliament of Uganda website www.parliment.go.ug. The website provides you with news from parliament, list of members of parliament including their contacts, committee reports, Hansards of parliaments and order Paper among others.
Kampala City Festival celebrations have been there for the last three years and yesterday making it the fourth edition. I have always admired and desired to attend one but somehow I just do not attend. Yesterday October 4th 2015, I decided to go and have a feel of the festival and share my experience. This year’s theme was: ‘Color and Climate Change,’ with the aim of bringing Ugandans and other nationals to celebrate their heritage, color and climate.
At about 12:00pm I left home and headed to Kampala City, I moved with my camera to capture moments in the festival. I used the entrance of Kampala Road near after Watoto church, before getting into the center of different activities, there was a check point for security. As I continued moving I could feel the love of the city through the happy faces of people who were very warm and enjoying every moment.
In summary the whole event is adventurous, getting to know the city better, meet new friends, and also do some exercise by walking through the different streets without even realizing it. Business, fashion and color ruled the day. Young men and women dressed to impress, children were not left out with face painting.
I loved the innocence of children enjoying the moment and loving the make over of their faces after a face pint.
If you felt hungry, there was something for you to buy and eat. Different stalls had fast foods ranging from roasted chicken, beef to local brew commonly known as “mwege bigere”, beer, sweets and so much more….
Business men and women in Kampala had the opportunity to sell their goods along the streets without the watchful eyes of KCCA.
I enjoyed the creativity of people participating in old school games with companies giving their best to get known among the onlookers.
And these too caught my attention…
I had the opportunity to see our very own made car, that is made in Uganda.
Free counseling and testing services for HIV were readily available including free distribution of condoms.
My main purpose was to visit the Christian stage located at the Sheraton gardens but I didn’t make it because I got very tired and decided to retire home at 5:00pm. All in all I had fun, a story to share because I was there, celebrated my city Kampala and I pray for my city and the people living in it. God Bless Kampala-Uganda.
Have you ever wondered why children in the western world have the ability to believe in themselves? The answer is simple; they have the ability to believe in themselves. Why, their parents start instilling personal life skills at a very tender age, which is called self-efficacy. When one has self-efficacy, it means they have an easiness to talk to strangers without fear. It shows one has a very high self-esteem and confidence and are able to be what they want to be in future, this is due to constant encouragement and support from parents. Self-efficacy is a skill of the heart. What do we learn from here: “Before speaking consider if it is relevant, necessary and if it will breakdown that child”. Your speech will either uplift or demotivate the child. We also learn not to face the world without fear because failure is part of life and one day we will definitely emerge winners because we ventured into the unknown. Psycho social support is not a common concept in countries like Uganda because it is not considered an important component in domestic violence. Psycho social support is support given to victims of domestic violence rehabilitate them emotionally, psychologically and mentally so as to restore them back to positive social functioning. It is not only for two people in the marriage (husband and wife) but also children and people they live with. For example in most families in Uganda, when either partner father or mother has separated/divorced, the children are forced to choose a parent and the mutual relationship they had with the other parent ceases to continue. Yet the children should not be forced into parent’s quarrels and fights but rather should continue to have a close contact and love both parents. There are many benefits of psycho social support, they include: sense of hope, sense of self-worth, releases emotional stress, prevents mental disorders, prevents bodily harm, restores people to social functioning, improves harmony in a relationship among others. This is a question to people who console bereaved families or talk to a person who is heartbroken, which words/statements do you use? The facilitator gave an example our funerals where the bereaved are not strengthened but are reminded of the hurt/loss they been through. Consolation statement commonly used in luganda like “Kitalo nyo” does not bring healing to the person or even give the person a sense of hope. Psycho social support has different forms. They include: counseling, mentor ship, behavior modeling, meditation, skills building and risk perception exercises. I was particularly intrigued by the behavior model whereby one is creating a new character and it requires constant follow up. Also here the facilitator gave an example that women at the age of 25 years tend to settle to soon compared to men who reach till the age of 50 years then they decide to settle. Meaning a woman is more willing to stay in an abusive relationship because of the children or relatives and is not willing to move out. Have you ever asked yourself these questions in a relationship or marriage?
What circumstances brought you together?
Did you ever sit to discuss the values to commit to in the relationship?
What is that one thing you liked about your partner?
Have you ever communicated to him or her those things you like about them?
What is the other thing that your partner does and you hate it?
Can you ever say it to him or her?
When you have disagreements in the family, do you accuse, use irrelevant facts, or complain?
When do you speak before your discomfort when do you resolve conflicts?
How many times has your partner made you want to leave him or her?
Is there any one time you remember when your partner did a physical violence on you? Where there any children or people?
Have you gotten any conflicts and your family or neighbor was involved?
Does your family get involved in your conflicts?
I will not write about day four and three of the training because it focused more on role plays and group discussions. However, I acquired skills in facilitating a community dialogue, how to engage the victim in a counselling session. It was a very worthwhile training that has not left me the same person. I commit to stop and prevent any act of domestic violence in my community henceforth. And you! Thank you International Solidarity Foundation and Uganda Media Women’s Association for the unforgettable training on understanding how to prevent and mitigate domestic violence.
Monitoring and Evaluation Officer ISF-Uganda-Lydia Nalukwago handing over the certificate to me.
Today’s session started with a quote: “the most important thing that builds character is love”. In most of our families here in Uganda, the word LOVE between mother and father or mother, father and children is unheard of. We get to hear the word love when we become adults and maybe are dating and after the wedding vows, the word ceases to be said. This teaches husbands and wives to always use the word I love you for each other and for the children.
We need to know that domestic violence evolves like a volcano meaning we should not ignore the obvious signs when they start to surface. An example is a man saying “I have never seen my wife falling sick” She will not tell anyone she is sick because of the workload and need to keep normal and yet she might be sick but decides to keep quite.
The training also exposed me to the effective ways of community mobilization. Community mobilization is a concept that is misused these days. Community members are mobilized, sensitized and there is no follow up after. It is taken as one day’s activity other than a continuous activity. I also learnt about community dialogues, catalyst and social change. Let me focus on the concept of a catalyst, it is an incident that sparks discomfort or insecurity in the community and requires immediate action. For example the Nabukkera case of terrible child abuse which came to the lime light and the issue of child abuse became a concern. Societal change can happen when after the catalyst has been exposed then, there is a community dialogue, which will call for collective action which then lead to individual change and social change. Societal change can happen if we all collectively recognize domestic violence is happening in our communities and decide to expose it and demand for an end to the injustices.
Then came the most interesting part of the session, which was self-awareness. Many of us work or relate without knowing our good points, bad points or even areas in our lives for improvement. Now just imagine a marriage where only your negatives are highlighted every day, it really makes one have a very low self-esteem and have a bad image about them. Therefore it is important for married people to always evaluate themselves and understand each other. The facilitator cited a quote for daily use in our lives; she said “50% of my mirror is in the other people’s eyes”. We should give room or a window for correction and appreciating the differences we have in a relationship. I learnt about Johari’s four windows in self-awareness, they include: open window-everyone knows, only you know window-bring it out if nobody knows, opens only to others window-pick a humble attitude to change and explore your strength and nobody knows window-keep trying and never give up and believe in the best of the worst.
This is what the participants had to say about what they like about me.
I also learnt the cycle of domestic violence which normally starts from an incident then tension begins to build up and after there may be calmness and making up. This cycle can happen a hundred of times and not all domestic violence cases fit in the cycle. Some domestic violence cases may stop at tension building up and there is no calmness or making. Most of African women experience this because the husband will physically abuse her and this could lead to death. Therefore it is important to bring in a third party when the tension starts to build up because the consequences may be adverse and also psychological comfort zone may make someone fail to leave an abusive relationship.
I also learnt about communication approaches in domestic violence which includes listening with ears and heart, checking understanding, asking questions and answering questions. When someone with a domestic violence issue approaches me it is important for me to listen with the heart, listen with my ears (behind the words and sounds), use my eyes to look out for nonverbal cues and analyses your own or the client’s silence of the person talking to you. For example in our many communities when women keep quiet it means she is agreeing or it is a yes.
More importantly I now know that when handling a domestic violence case, I will give my ears, eyes and heart but the decision to make has to come from victim. The best I can do is to refer to other persons or organizations that could help well. Sincerity, being non-judgmental, and avoid dependence are some of the qualities of a good communicator when handling domestic violence cases.
I conclude today by saying behind every question, there is a story! Let’s commit to help our mothers, sisters, grandmothers, uncles, fathers and brothers to prevent domestic violence. Marriage is a sacrifice and every day we should be willing to change.
Catherine Apalat signing a commitment to prevent domestic violence
I am attending a five days training in psycho social support, community mobilization and communication skills in domestic violence prevention. The training started today and focused more on understanding the situation of domestic violence in Uganda and how gender influences domestic violence in Africa. In a way of how men and women relate in a relationship. It is not that domestic violence is a new word to me but the training is a refresher and eye opener for me so far. There are very many scenarios of domestic violence happenings that occur in our communities everyday but we choose to ignore them and not act because we care less and are not passionate about domestic violence prevention or even we grow up living in it and therefore it is a normal occurrence. I understood the meaning of domestic violence which is an act to a person that inflicts pain in the mind or body. There are different forms of domestic violence, they include: physical, emotional, economic and sexual. The facilitator used an example of the words that men and women use in a daily basis that demeans the either party so grossly for example “I helped you by marrying you”, “you are just a woman”. These are some of the words women have to live with every day and are caught up in the dilemma of making a decision to move or for the man to recognize that she is a human being like him who needs respect in whatever aspect. Negative words when processed take long to be forgotten that is why “emotional abuse takes long to heal compared to physical violence” More than 68% of married women have experienced physical, economic, or psychological violence in Uganda. There are influencing factors contributing to the increase of domestic violence in Uganda, they include social norms which create inequity between men and women, gender inequalities that is the excessive powers for men to control women, cultural beliefs and practices which treat the woman as secondary citizen and patriarchal system of male dominance in property, ownership and decision making processes. Women are treated as secondary citizens due to cultural beliefs and practices making them very vulnerable. We all know the devastating effects of domestic violence in our families, communities, nation and the global village at large. The question here is, why do we wait for the red lights then we decide to report? These issues are happening in our families, neighborhood and communities but we choose to keep silent and yet just a word, ear to listen or report could save a life. An example was given of a video footage showing a grandmother physically torturing her grandson and the community continued with their daily activities until a whistle blower decide to record the torture and sent it to the media and it grabbed a lot of attention and reaction from the public. Though the shock was in the grandmother beating the child, more shock was in the on-lookers in the neighborhood who continued carrying on their daily chores while the child was being beaten and did not seem to care. That shows a lot of laxity in our communities when it comes to getting involved/exposing social/family issues. We also looked at how some domestic violence issues can be mitigated in our families and societies, they were many but caught my attention was respecting the right of our spouses to be different from us in other words, agreeing to disagree and maintaining the decision not be violent. Another very important aspect is raising our children with values which respect human rights and mutual respect in relationships. Our men, our husbands, uncles, grandfathers’ behavior or actions reflect their upbringing as children meaning they will treat their girlfriend, wife or female worker according to what they saw, heard and experienced when growing up. For example a boy witnessing the father beating his mother everyday will also grow up and do the same to his wife. Who is to blame for that? Society! Respect is needed here. If the reconstruction of our mind set and unlearning doesn’t start now and with our children then we are headed for doom and more deaths/suffering of the Ugandan women. No wonder 40% of divorce and separation in Uganda today is very high among young couples. I know there are many organizations working towards the noble cause of preventing domestic violence in our communities but one question is, “are they passionate about the work they are doing? The facilitator put it right with the quote that “Change should start with us if we want to change others”. There are some educated women who still think that it is the man’s sole responsibility to provide for everything in the house and the vice versa is true of some men who would not allow their wives to buy anything in the house, if they did it, he will immediately refund for what was bought. Or even how can a woman propose to a man for his hand in marriage? Think about it? In the end in order for us to live in harmony and peace and prevent domestic violence, let’s respect each other and let us marry our best friend. I made a commitment by signing a pledge to prevent domestic violence starting today. This is the commitment:
Never to be a source of violence in a relationship
To report any case of domestic violence
To support where possible individuals couples or children affected by domestic violence
To advocate and communicate to the communities about the prevention of domestic violence
Are you also committed and passionate to the prevention of domestic violence in your life, family, community and nation? Let us save a life by being a whistle blower in whichever way possible! The training is organized by International Solidarity Foundation (ISF) and Uganda Media Women’s Association (UMWA). Thank you for reading!
Nabuuma Faridah is a 26 year old woman, residing in Kisaasi Trading Centre. She is among the 45 grassroots women who participated in four-day training on reproductive health and communication skills organized by UMWA. Nabuma cuts as a shy and timid young woman.
It is Day One of the training, and the topic of discussion is access to reproductive health services in Uganda’s health centres. The discussion gets more interesting, everybody seems to relate to the appalling state of the health sector in Uganda. Concerns like lack of drugs, few midwives and unfriendly treatment from the medical workers dominated the discussion.
It is Nabuuma’s turn to say something, thanks to the facilitator’s participatory skills which ensure that everybody contributes to the discussion. In a small quiet voice, she gives her experience.
Nabuuma narrates: “My husband is responsible for the miscarriage of my seven-month pregnancy, because he would give me only Shs 5,000/= for transport to hospital and home upkeep, yet he had refused me to earn an income”.
Her short story triggered several responses from the other participants. Questions like: Whose fault is it that the baby died? Who is responsible for your life, your husband or yourself? How do we communicate in the health centres or hospitals? How can we demand for our rights when we visit the health centre? Who got hurt most when the baby died? You or the husband? Can’t women who are denied to work from outside home, become more enterprising to reduce on dependence on men?
Nabuuma’s experience
Nabuuma Faridah’s story is a reflection of how economic violence cost the life of her child. She is a senior two drop out from Kisaasi College School, when her father passed on, her mother was unable to continue paying her school fees. She lives in Kisaasi with her first born, a six-year old son and husband, in a single room commonly referred to as “Mizigos”.
She says she came to Kampala to look for a job and start a new life in 2012. “I was desperate and wanted someone to take care of me, she says, adding: “I moved in with a new husband but was not prepared financially to start a family. Luckily or unluckily, I immediately conceived and got some employment with a nearby food kiosk. My husband did not want me to work outside the home. And so, one morning he said this should stop!
I don’t know how much my husband earns, but he leaves me with Shs 5,000/= to prepare meals for the day, transport to hospital, and to take care of my six-year old son”. But whenever my husband would travel upcountry, Faridah would stealthily go back to the food joint and work, which involved carrying jerrycans of water, cooking, serving and cleaning. But this was short-lived as her boss could not keep an employee who would absent herself several days.
When her pregnancy made four months, Faridah went to Mulago hospital for antenatal check up, but the nurses declined to attend to her because she was not accompanied by her husband. But the husband refused even after he was informed of the benefits of both the husband and wife attending the antenatal services, together. And this was the end of Faridah’s antenatal visits, because she said she was scared to go back without her husband.
She recalls the trauma of a miscarriage. “When pregnancy made seven months, labour pains started and persisted for a week. They worsened in the eighth night. I walked to a nearby clinic where I ‘gave’ birth. The premature baby lived only for six months, but what shocked me most was that my husband did not bother to pay for me transport to go to hospital, despite the pain I was experiencing.
Faridah conceived the same year, carried the pregnancy for nine months, but the baby lived for 3 days. Developed a flue, and passed on.
“I wish I was exposed to this training and information before, I’m sure my children would have lived”.
The four-day training touched on several developmental issues including HIV/AIDS, human rights, reproductive health, economic justice, among others. The biggest part of the training equipped participants with effective communication skills, and how to get things done.
For Faridah, who attended such awareness and skills building sessions for the first time, the sky is now the limit. She is however, thankful to her husband who ‘allowed’ her participate in the training. To avoid a backlash, Faridah says she would share the knowledge and skills acquired from every single day, with her husband. She is already determined to start an income generating activity, or engage in one. For a start, she said she would start providing laundry services to clients willing to pay her. She says of the trainings:
“If he does not allow me to get employment, I’m determined to go against his will. I have already told him that human rights allow us all, men or women to earn a living. That even women or children have a right to express themselves, and participate in trainings to improve our lives”.
Impact of training in her life
The training improved on my image and expression. I used to fear my husband a lot, would not argue with him or oppose any thing he would say; did not know that a woman can also speak up and make decisions in a home.
The training has also taught me how to save. I have now a box where I save my little money. I am also planning to join a savings women’s group, I shall save little by little so that when my husband does not have money, I am able to provide for the family and meet my needs, especially those related to reproductive health.
I was very shy, and could not talk in public! But in the training I saw women speak out their minds. Have admired their courage and I believe I can also speak in public.
I have gained skills in self presentation, so looking for work will not be a problem anymore.
I liked the sessions on presenting oneself on an issue, at the police station, workplace, or hospital. And trust me, I’ll engage those authorities and get what I want from them So glad to have spoken on the radio. I used to think that only people with cash could express themselves in the media. But here we are, Mama FM is this accessible to people like us who live on less than a dollar a day!
I feel liberated by the training. And I know I shall achieve my goal. My only wish is that my husband would too, participate in such trainings, life would be much easier!
Patrick Lwendok says when Uganda passed the law against Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) in 2010; women in his Burkoyen, Barawu Parish, Kapchorwa Trading Centre no longer practice this cultural but harmful ritual.
The 46 year old Chairperson LC 1 and a father of two daughters strongly de-campaigns the ritual in his parish. He says most of the circumcised girls fail to complete their education as they are forced into marriage. Circumcision was a ticket to womanhood and marriage no matter if cured or not, of the wounds. I wouldn’t love to see my daughters go through such a harmful cultural ritual”. I want my girls to get an education and get married to educated men.
Cherotin Rose Mangusho, a 45 year old mother, of five, says: FGM is a very bad cultural ritual. “When I was growing up circumcision was part and parcel of every girl’s life. When I completed my Senior Six studies in 1988, my parents forced me to get circumcised. I was circumcised in December that year, in Bukwo village. I now work with Kapchorwa Primary Teachers College as a Senior Accounts Officer.
The ordeal of facing the knife
Female genital mutilation (FGM) comprises all procedures that involve partial or total removal of the external female genitalia, or other injury to the same organs for non-medical reasons. The practice is mostly carried out by traditional circumcisers, who often play other central roles in communities, such as name giving to new borns, marriage, etc. The ritual is based on the myth of controlling sexual desire of women not to commit adultery.
Cherotin recalls when she turned 20: “I accepted to be circumcised due to family pressure and it was a prerequisite for a Sabiny girl. Female circumcision is so terrible! You feel it right inside your brain. In Sebei culture, a girl is not supposed to fear, but to try hard to contain the pain. We were told that when you fear the cut, no man would marry you, and are referred to as a coward!
The ritual involves participation of every community member. Our phase involved five girls. We moved from home to home dancing the whole night while the surgeon sharpened the knife the whole night.
After the circumcision, I bled so much and collapsed, and when I regained consciousness, I found myself in a pool of blood in hospital. Fortunately HIV/AIDS was not that common those years, because the surgeon had one knife on all the five girls including myself.
I used the basic knowledge I had acquired from school on good hygiene to treat my wounds. I know that when girls are left helpless with no one to care for them in the difficult time, the wounds would take long to heal.
Giving birth with the scar has been my worst nightmare. The scar blocked the delivery birth canal, and pushing the child becomes very difficult and painful. This means the scar tears during delivery, and takes some time to heal.
I’m happy that the new generation is campaigning against FGM. “My 18 year old daughter blames me for accepting to be circumcised but I tell her I did it out of ignorance; and pressure from my parents.
I’m happy about the law. The women surgeons who were caught cutting girls were arrested and taken to prison, but the practice is still practiced deep inside the forests in Bukwo district.
Very thankful to civil society organizations and radio stations that have continued to create awareness on this vice. But the campaigns should not stop.
Kapchebai Emily 23, a University graduate says her mother shared with her stories of the side effects of FGM especially during child birth. “I am lucky my generation strongly condemns FGM”.
Role of men in the campaign
Patrick Lwendok Chairperson LC 1 Barawu Parish, Kapchorwa Trading Centre, Kapchorwa district says 70% of the practice is dying out in Kapchorwa but rural areas need special attention to curb this vice. He attributes the decline of the practice to men’s efforts. He says men now prefer to marry a woman who has not been circumcised. As fathers we don’t want our girls to be circumcised because we want them to continue with their education. We encourage our girls not to be circumcised. Men are now aware of the health side effects of female circumcision especially the painful birth delivery. The circumcised women also tell us that they don’t feel like having sex with their husbands.
Many of the male youth don’t want to marry circumcised girls. They have heard stories of the negative effects after a girl has been circumcised; they prefer a girl who hasn’t been cut.
Mangusho Basil, Secretary Manager at Elgon Cooperative Union, Kapchorwa district says more people are now rooted in education and religion and the practice is dying out, adding that constant government and civil society intervention the ritual will become history.
Moi Job 22, a community civic educator in Kapchorwa says constant socialisation with the youth in the villages is key in changing attitudes and perceptions among them, adding that the ritual is dying out in the city, but is still valued among some youth in the villages.
More sensitisation needed in the villages
As more women get more involved in the curbing of this vice, elders, especially men in Kapchorwa, and women, contend that the law is not enough. There is need to translate the law into practice. Deploy police, especially in rural areas, but most importantly, conduct nationwide campaigns on the dangers of FGM. But also provide alternatives to income generation to those surgeons who look at FGM as a source of income. Elders who are the custodians of culture too, need to be especially targeted on especially the dangers of FGM. But all while that is going on, the education of a girl child has been underlined, as it does not only provide her with knowledge, and equips her with the necessary information, but enables her with choices.
Key facts
Female genital mutilation (FGM) includes procedures that intentionally alter or cause injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons.
The procedure has no health benefits for girls, women and men.
Procedures can cause severe bleeding and problems urinating, and later cysts, infections, infertility as well as complications in childbirth increased risk of newborn deaths.
About 140 million girls and women worldwide are currently living with the consequences of FGM.
FGM is mostly carried out on young girls sometime between infancy and age 15.
In Africa an estimated 92 million girls 10 years old and above have undergone FGM.
FGM is a violation of the human rights of girls and women.
In Uganda, FGM is widely practiced in Sebei, Eastern Uganda.
The Anti-FGM Law 2010 has provided the legal framework, but lacks resources and commitment from the powers to ensure FGM is wiped out from the Ugandan soil.
Imaginations like what the bride was going to wear, how she will enter the temple, ran through my mind immediately I received the invitation to attend a Nepali wedding for the first time in Nepal. Dr Manju, my boss didn’t miss the opportunity of letting us learn the new culture and the wedding was a perfect opportunity to learn one or two things.
Early in the morning we set out to witness the wedding ceremony. We did not want to miss any moment on this special day. As we approached the groom’s home, I could hear people singing. Luckily we reached on time and the procession had just started. The groom was dressed in a suit and besides him was his beautiful sister. He wore a special scarf which differentiates him from the other people. The sister acts like the best man in the case of the church wedding ceremony.
The women were all adorned in sarees and men in suits not forgetting the youth who were in jeans. The women looked so beautiful in their sarees they completed the look with beautiful necklaces in different colors like green and red which was a common site. I later learnt that the green necklace which is fully worn across the shoulder is worn by the married women. Another significant feature was the red mark (called Tika) on everybody’s forehead. Tika is a mixture of rice and red color. There is also another powder called the Vermillion which is put in the forehead of the bride’s hair by the groom. Vermillion in a woman’s forehead is a sign of marriage; she is required to re-apply it daily.
Relative blessing the groom
The difference with the church wedding is that the groom goes to church first then he waits for the bride .The priest then blesses the couple. In a Nepali wedding the procession is like going to church but it’s done without the bride. We escorted the groom to the temple; the groom entered the temple first followed by his relatives. Where rituals were being performed like going around quadrangle, worshipping and making offering to various duties. We were given rice to sprinkle in the temple.
After this we were taken to the bride’s home. We found people had gathered outside and were waiting anxiously for the groom. The whole procession was preceded by a musical band, and we were received with great respect and enthusiasm by the bride’s people at her home. There was jubilation immediately the groom came out of the car. However before he could enter the house, he had to move round the vehicle he had traveled in while some rituals were being performed.
A small portion of rice was given to everybody to sprinkle on to the groom. After the vehicle ritual, we then headed to another quadrangle, at the brides home. The groom was given a gland of flowers in form of a necklace. We were given white scarf and again rice to sprinkle as the groom performed the ritual around the quadrangle several times.
Relative blessing the bride
We were then ushered inside the bride’s house where she was going to meet the groom. It was evident that the high table was reserved for the two special quests of the day .A big pot, flowers; fruits in a plate were on the table set apart for the bride and groom. The pot is meant hold all the gifts the visitors have brought. At the same time, friends and relatives came to bless and congratulate the groom.
The bride was in her bedroom getting the last final touches of makeup. The bride’s sisters were smartly dressed in sarees and it was evident they were very happy, in their smiles. The bride and groom as I later learnt are still very young aged 19 and 20 respectively. However, as I mingled in the crowd, I talked to young man aged 33 who said it is a common practice to see many young people getting married. He said that one of the reasons was the high unemployment rate among the youth who resort to marriage even when they are not able to provide for the new family.
Just like any wedding, food is almost the most important aspect of the occasion. We were invited to a Nepali feast consisting of rice, chicken, beans, pickle among others. before the actual wedding ceremony took place. As I ate in silence, I could not help but appreciate the fact that we are all different in culture and traditions but ceremonies such as marriage makes us similar in that it is an important aspect of celebrating life no matter how it is carried out. The wedding was for an ordinary peasant as shown in the number of guests invited who were about fifty to sixty.
After eating the delicious Nepali food, we then went back to the house to join the and groom who was now seated with his wife. She was adorned in a red beautiful saree, very young and a little bit shy since everybody’s eye was on her. Guests kept on coming to bless the couple with small gifts but majority brought cash which was given to the bride.
The groom, bride and FK participants
It is a tradition that the bride and groom eat alone inside the house. We were allowed to sit with newlyweds in the bed room and we watched as the two love birds ate. Mean while outside dancing and jubilation was going on. The bride’s sisters, friends and well wishers were dancing to the Nepali music performed by the band. We were invited to the dance floor to try out the Nepali style of dancing which is quiet slow and beautifully choreographed compared to the vigorous African traditional dances.
One of the guests who attended the ceremony
By this time, the celebrations had not yet come to end it was now time for the groom to look for his shoes which had been hidden somewhere in the house, without getting them he was not going home with his new bride. As we waited for the groom to look for his shoes, the bride and her sisters and mother were counseling the little girl. Finally the groom got his shoes and it was time to take his wife to his parents. The departure and separation of the bride from her family was intense filled with emotions.
The bride and groom finally came out crying however the groom was consoling his wife. It was time to bid farewell to the bride and all I could see tears from the mother and sisters. She was ushered into the car and at this point her mother and sisters were weeping, I could not help but cry for the little girl. The bride is taken to her new home with dancing musical band. Nepali culture dictates that once the new bride is taken to the groom’s home, where she is more under the command of her mother in-law than of her husband. As we also bid farewell I could not help but rejoice with the new couple and wish them all the happiness in their marriage.
It was a very lovely Sunday (18th September 2011) as I prepared to go church with no slight idea of what was going to happen at the end of the day.
After Prayers we met our friend who was celebrating his birthday and had invited us. As we ate and drank what was brought to the table, one can say we were probably eating for the last. I later realized that we did not leave anything unturned but enjoyed the afternoon to the utmost.
Later in the day at home at around 7:00pm, being weekend, I decided to check my mail and then later go and watch television. But as I was checking my mail in the computer room, my roommate who was in her room also browsing through the net told me she felt like crying and laughing at the same. I asked her if it was okay for me to check on her and she declined.
Shortly after 15 minutes, I felt my chair shaking and turning left and right. I ignored and continued reading my mail. But then the movements were increasing and I did not understand what was going on. I called my roommate who was also shocked but calmer than me. I started to panic and I was really confused. We decided to stand along the permitted sections of the house as advised by a colleague. Standing did not help because the shaking was now increasing, so we decided to get out of the house.
As my friend was fidgeting to open the door, I could not think of anything else but to get out of the house. She even asked me to get for her a cloth to wrap herself but at that moment I did not realize she was half naked, according to me she was dressed, I think I was in shock that I could not realize what was going on. She managed to open to door and off she dashed to get a cloth which she had told me to get for her but I told her to go and get it and yet here she was half naked, trying to open the door and all that I was thinking was to get out of the house. Thank God she understood I was in shock.
Unfortunately for me I was still in shock that I could not get my legs to run down the stairs. My roommate who had gone to her room to get a cloth to wrap herself caught up with me at the stairs and all she told me was “Cathy run”. I tried very hard to get my legs to run but I could not. Mean while, outside people were screaming, we could hear footsteps along the stairs and dogs were barking. It was a whole collection of confusion. We live in four storeyed building and we are in the second floor, the thought of the building crashing down on me made me feel more nervous and confused.
I managed to get out of the room and with my roommate’s help and constant plea for me to calm down. We stood in an open area not close to the building. Fortunately my roommate had moved with her phone. We tried calling our friends but the network at first was off, then after sometime it was congested and busy. We stood out for about 20minutes and by this time the earthquake had stopped and some people were getting back into their houses.
The open field where where we stood for 30minutes
We decided to go back in to the house and get our valuable and get out again. We had been advised by a colleague that it is usually safer to stay for about half an hour because the aftershock can happen again. We rushed inside the house picked whatever was valuable and dashed out immediately. By this time my head was spinning and the shock was reducing a little bit. With my bag clenched and ready to jump out, the Landlady’s son came fast to our door and innocently asked me “Where are you going?” Speechless I did not have an answer for him but just smiled.
We stood out for an half an hour in the open field. We also managed to shop for items for our emergency kit like cookies,water and when we got into the house we immediately packed our emergency bag, we put all the necessary requirements needed like a T-shirt, trouser, undergarments, tooth paste, lotion, medication and important documents among others.
However, in the house I was still shocked, my head was spinning and any silent roar from outside just startled me because I thought another earthquake is about to happen. We managed to reach our friends in Kathmandu and they were all fine and safe. As for me I did not know if I was going to be able to sleep. But thank God, I put all my trust and hope in Him and believed for His Protection for the night.
Since the earthquake and since it is my first experience, I can say indeed just the thought of the whole earth shaking and your whole being moving left and right, is a scary experience. Yes I was scared but am now strong and calm. I pray for families who have lost their dear loved ones in Nepal and Sikkim in India where the earthquake was really strong.
After visiting the ancient city, Bhaktapur, we then went to Swayambhunath temple also known as the monkey temple because there are many monkeys living around the temple. It was late in the evening; however there were a good number of local people and tourists still enjoying the sights of monkey temple.
Entrance to the monkey templeAerial view of Kathmandu city from the Stupa
As usual foreigners have to pay some money before entering any heritage site. We paid and started our journey up the Stupa.The temple is an ancient religious site atop a hill in the Kathmandu Valley, west of Kathmandu city.
Temples among Temples
It was getting dark and late for us to use the longer route. My colleague who was our tour guide decided to use the shorter route to temple.e.
Along the journey up the stupa, I kept praying that no monkey comes close to me. I was frightened because there were so many monkeys moving and jumping up the trees and some were being fed with bananas brought by the tourists.
Monkeys and its baby drinking water
It was such relief and joy when we reached up the stupa. It reminded me of the trek I took in Dhamphus in Pohkara four months ago. Up the stupa, there are many small temples and also one can get a perfect view of Kathmandu valley city from the stupa.
Temples among Temples
Swayambhunath temple is among the most sacred among Buddhist pilgrimage sites. It was getting darker and the pictures we were taking were not good. It was time for us to go home. However, we promised ourselves to go back up the stupa during day and enjoy the trek and also the beautiful view of Kathmandu city.
My stories in and around Uganda and far beyound... 